The Pizzle Hits 250,000 Pageviews!

Hey, clowns!

Eating glue sticks and frying packing peanuts to make Cheetos are really cool things to do every week, but today, I’m going to take a quick break and get some rest.

I’m getting over a cold from this weekend and my stress levels about things like money, survival, and rectal prolapses are starting to get to me. As the greatest food blogger in the world, it is very important for me to consider butt stuff when it comes to food.

Your father considers butt stuff every five minutes. Your mother is currently doing butt stuff right now, and it isn’t with your father.

Scopejitos Mojito Cup Harvey Bee Hug

However, I did notice something pretty terrific: The Pizzle has hit 250,000 pageviews!

Does that actually mean anything? I have no idea. It sounds good, at least. It’s certainly much better than zero views, which I imagined The Pizzle would get when I started it.

But hey, writing for you guys makes me really happy, and knowing I make a few of you laugh on a regular basis has made it all worth it the effort. The really encouraging emails, Twitter shoutouts (I’m here, by the way), and Paypal donations have made my life so much easier, especially during the hardest times of my life. Of course, then I’ve also gotten to meet a bunch of you in person too (including someone pretty special ), and I’ve never felt more loved.

So after my breather this week, I’ll be back with something horrid next Tuesday. It’ll probably kill me.

Here’s to 250,000 views and maybe 1,000,000 someday, as long as I don’t accidentally off myself in the process.


Dannis Ree


  22 comments for “The Pizzle Hits 250,000 Pageviews!

  1. June 28, 2016 at 11:19 AM

    Congrats, Dannis Ree! It’s probably like 207,984 pageviews from me, and then some other people, but that’s not nothing!

    • Dennis Lee
      June 28, 2016 at 2:22 PM

      Thank you Lisa!!!

  2. Josh
    June 28, 2016 at 11:47 AM

    Congrats Dennis! I hope you dropped a bunch of confetti on yourself when you hit the big milestone. And by confetti, I of course mean semen-stained tissues from under your bed.

    • Dennis Lee
      June 28, 2016 at 2:23 PM

      Actually, wanna come over and do it to me?

  3. TheExBandGeek
    June 28, 2016 at 1:51 PM

    Don’t be too excited. It’s probably from all those people googling about sex with their mother . Imagine the disappointment when this blog shows up in the search results 🙂
    Congrats from Seattle!

    • Dennis Lee
      June 28, 2016 at 2:23 PM

      The sheer volume of disgusting sex-related Google searches that land on this site is amazing.

      • skye
        July 2, 2016 at 3:18 AM

        I used to have a blog, a sort of mommy blog, and I got many, many hits from armpit fetishists because once I posted a photo where my armpit was sort of a showing a bit. I can therefore only shudder deeply to my core at the thought of which fetishists are finding what they need at the pizzle. Jesus fuck.

  4. Jared Wong
    July 3, 2016 at 11:28 AM

    Matzel tov, Dannis! Even though I just started reading your food blog barely a week ago, I managed to read every single blog post, and witness your blog blossom into what it is today. I hope you keep on making more food much to my enjoyment (and detriment to your health).

    • Dennis Lee
      July 14, 2016 at 2:15 AM

      Jared, that’s really nice of you to say. This blog is truly a document into one man’s version of ultimate madness.

  5. Sam McCartney
    July 14, 2016 at 4:18 PM

    Did you accidentally off yourself in the process of another abomination of a recipe? I miss you.

    • Dennis Lee
      July 14, 2016 at 5:57 PM

      Hi Sam. I died.

      I just needed a few weeks off – I’m working in a real kitchen right now too and it’s messed up my flow, but don’t worry. I’ll be back soon.

  6. DasGlied
    July 28, 2016 at 4:30 PM

    I promise I won´t make a habit out of posting buzzfeed articles on your site, but these vintage recipes would be an interesting theme for an article . Please try the tuna and jell-o pie and try to recreate number 21 just by the picture alone,

    • Dennis Lee
      July 29, 2016 at 12:09 PM

      You know, I’ve been thinking about recreating these recipes. I am always astonished at how many people are able to creatively use jello as a vehicle to kill yourself with.

  7. lily
    July 28, 2016 at 9:58 PM

    just found this blog last night, because reasons. [some very nice, non-anglophone guy in a very pan-asian grocery store asked me earnestly if i knew ‘what part of a cow is this meat’ and i didn’t have the nerve to explain after i read the package label]

    anyway, just wanted to say you’re a wonderfully good writer. you’re insane too, of course, but that’s kind of beside the point. i seriously hope everything eventually works out great for you because it should.

    • Dennis Lee
      July 29, 2016 at 12:10 PM


      Thank you. That is extremely sweet of you to say. I am also a dumpster fire that is going to flare up before it eventually destroys the whole city of Chicago. Thank you for making me feel a little bit better.

  8. Dave
    August 1, 2016 at 3:25 PM

    Just wanted you to know I love your blog and am missing it very much. Hope you get back to it soon because it made my own food proclivities seem very normal. My mom misses you, too, but at least she’s shitting normally for once since she met you.

    • Dennis Lee
      August 1, 2016 at 3:28 PM

      Hi Dave, I’m still alive. It’s been a long month away – I needed a mental break, plus my new restaurant job is kicking my little baby ass. But don’t worry. There’s more coming.

  9. Neurozach
    August 2, 2016 at 5:37 PM

    Dude, I’m going through serious withdrawals, here!

    • Dennis Lee
      August 3, 2016 at 12:34 PM

      I AM ALIVE

  10. LilMoose
    August 3, 2016 at 1:37 AM

    Just another fan dropping in to add that I miss your crazy nonsense, but I’m genuinely happy to hear you got a job! And a kitchen job too! Now everyone can have excessive garnishes and feel special.

    • Dennis Lee
      August 3, 2016 at 12:35 PM

      Yeah, I’m barely making it through kitchen life without covering myself in burns.

  11. Jessica
    August 3, 2016 at 5:26 PM

    Missing your posts!!!! But congrats on the new job!

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