About The Pizzle

Welcome to The Pizzle!

In case you’re wondering what “pizzle” is, here you go. And if you’re too lazy to click on the Wikipedia link, well, “pizzle” is another word for animal penis. Why would a professional food writer start a blog about penis? Because people eat it. Also, I’m an assclown and not the most serious food writer in the world. But you know what?

That’s okay.

These days, food writing has gotten out of hand. To me, food writing should be less about bragging about the places you go to eat, and how much money you spent, and more about sharing the experience and teaching people new things about food. All food. Fast food, bad home-cooked meals, fine dining, it all has its place. Frankly, most of the food we eat is some form of trainwreck even if we’re not willing to admit it.

Food writing certainly has its perks, but if you’re reading about something and it makes you feel bad or left out for not being at an exclusive event, or not being able to afford a fancy meal, then someone fucked up. And it certainly wasn’t you. Remember, you’re justifying the the writer’s existence by reading their stuff. We’re a sadly egotistical bunch.

So who am I? I’m Dannis Ree, the aforementioned professional assclown. See below:


How could you not trust a face like that? I’m a child prodigy. Or a shriveled old adult who isn’t nearly as cute now as he was back then.

So let’s eat. Come on, I’m fucking starving.


PS. In case you have to know, I’ve written for Serious Eats, The Onion’s A.V. Club, Blackboard Eats, Thrillist, NewCity Chicago, Fooditor, and more. And if you’re around and you ever want to hang out, let me know. You can find me on Twitter here. All photos on this site have been taken by me unless otherwise indicated.

If you’d like to contact me, email me at dennis at spacesbetween dot net. I like hearing from you.

  17 comments for “About The Pizzle

  1. Mike Haracz
    October 27, 2014 at 11:19 AM

    I want to use your tongue as a toothbrush…

  2. Marky B
    October 27, 2014 at 9:34 PM

    Dannis, take me with you!

  3. Arata
    December 2, 2014 at 11:04 AM

    Profassional Dannis to the rescue!

  4. Shawn
    June 13, 2015 at 4:12 PM

    The only blog I’ve ever bookmarked! Your writing is hilarious, how you’re unemployed is beyond me.

    Someone should give you a fucking show!

    • Dennis Lee
      June 14, 2015 at 11:49 PM

      I’m actually being paid to NOT be on television, mostly because my face isn’t even good enough for a podcast.

  5. May 12, 2016 at 12:19 PM

    Dude, if anything is screaming out your name (besides my mother), it’s for you to review one of televangelist Jim Bakker’s apocalypse preparedness food buckets. http://www.npr.org/sections/thesalt/2015/12/03/456677535/apocalypse-chow-we-tried-televangelist-jim-bakkers-survival-food

  6. Mickele Bragg
    October 2, 2016 at 10:43 AM


    • Dennis Lee
      November 6, 2016 at 3:46 PM

      Thank you!!!

  7. Russell
    October 5, 2017 at 11:17 AM

    Funniest food critic “on the line.”
    And reasonably accurate too.
    Strange, considering he may have actually eaten a dick!

  8. Awesome Dude
    November 30, 2017 at 3:46 AM

    This blog cured my aids!

  9. January 5, 2019 at 7:16 PM

    This shits hilarious. Do you have an Instagram account?? If so, can you hook me up? I didn’t seem to find it when I searched. And if not, WHY?!

    • Dennis Lee
      January 6, 2019 at 12:09 PM

      It’s @dickholedannis.

  10. TMWong
    July 17, 2019 at 2:09 AM



    No words other than THANK YOU now.

  11. madison hines
    August 21, 2019 at 12:19 PM

    I came across your blog on accident BUT YOU ARE HILARIOUS!!!!

  12. J. Strong
    January 2, 2020 at 4:01 PM

    you had me at canned-chicken, and now you’ve got a fan for life

  13. Samantha
    January 4, 2020 at 4:23 AM

    Congratulations on your engagement! I’m excited to find your blog.

  14. Samantha
    January 4, 2020 at 4:24 AM

    And your face is definitely good enough for podcast 😉

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