A few weeks ago, I ate dinner with my friend Joyce from Chicago Agashi, at a great Chicago restaurant called Izakaya Mita. A while back, Joyce interviewed me about losing a hot dog cookoff (which you can read about here). Losing a hot dog cookoff is pretty cool. It feels good to lose every competition you’re in, because I lose at… Read more →
Month: September 2015
Do Violet Fart Pills Actually Make Your Farts Smell Like Violet?
Today, I am discussing one of the most important subjects in all of human history: Farts. Food writers generally avoid talking about farts, because writing about food is very serious and proper, and you cannot talk about things like penises, farts, and poo. It is simply not allowed. However, I am a hard-hitting food writer, and I tackle the real subjects nobody… Read more →
Don’t Make This at Home: Play-Doh Empanadas
I’ve had a serious bout of writer’s block lately, which is the worst thing any writer can endure, aside from a case of raging alcoholism and herpes. And I’m already an alcoholic with herpes, so the Unholy Trinity of Writing is now complete. When I have a case of Pizzle writer’s block this bad, I usually go into stores and wander… Read more →
I Found a Recipe for Ground Beef Brownies and Then I Made Them
I often use the Internet to do research on any kind of culinary disaster I can find. Most of the time, I find that my ideas are unique; nobody’s made Jolly Rancher Jelly or the Bust-a-Nut Cocktail, but every now and then, I find that some jerkface has already done something like Pepto Bismol Ice Cream (which I thought I’d made up on my… Read more →
Can You Make Risotto From Rice Krispies?
Today is the first day of September, and that means fall is coming. Many people start being sad right about now because the days will get shorter, the temperature will drop, and the leaves will wither and spiral their way onto the ground. Fall is a reminder that everyone will die someday. So, just remember, death is coming. For you. I,… Read more →