Category: Essays

Where’ve You Gone, Dannis?

I feel like a total asshole. Because I know there’s a lot of you that have waited for me to come back and write more. Here’s some great news: I’m still writing. Yes, the same stuff, and everything. I just switched platforms to something called Substack. Substack is a newsletter and blog system all wrapped up in one, which means… Read more →

Happy 1st Birthday to The Pizzle!

Last October, I began my first step on a great journey. You see, October 31st, 2014, was the day I started The Pizzle. And guess what? It’s been a whole year since I started this stupid website! So happy birthday to me and you. I started this site because I was very tired of serious food blogs, which are essentially a giant circle… Read more →

Fappy Valentine’s Day!

First of all, Happy Valentine’s Day! And to me, and all y’all single people — I wish you a wonderful self-loving day of loneliness. So Fappy Valentine’s Day to you, good single people of planet Earth. Know you’re not alone. Here’s a video I made one year ago to celebrate my loneliness on Valentine’s Day. I swear, I’m working on… Read more →


My roommate is a teacher in the Chicago Public School system. He happens to teach in the same school as his mother, who gave her class a special assignment. The assignment was to create a coat of arms, then to write an essay about the significance of the symbolism that the student included in the design. One of the students… Read more →

Something to Eat

I woke up on one beautiful, shimmering summer morning and did it. I packed a few belongings, hopped into my car, and left. I don’t know where I thought I was headed. I just knew I wanted to go live out the lifelong fantasy of getting up and disappearing on a road trip without telling anyone. I remember thinking that… Read more →