I feel like a total asshole. Because I know there’s a lot of you that have waited for me to come back and write more. Here’s some great news: I’m still writing. Yes, the same stuff, and everything. I just switched platforms to something called Substack. Substack is a newsletter and blog system all wrapped up in one, which means… Read more →
If you want to be a well-respected food blogger, every now and then you need to tell people that you have your own take on a Mexican street food staple, elotes. Then you must accept the round of applause that follows, since you have obviously watched Food Network and become an expert on Mexican cuisine. Soon after, you will be flooded… Read more →
Last year at this time, I had the fun opportunity to go to Baconfest Chicago (which you can read about here). I brought my friend Drew (hi Drew!), we got drunk, and ate a lot of baconed-out things. It was great and we had a very fun time. But this year, something different happened. I was asked to be a Baconfest… Read more →
These days, being unemployed and having my checking account wiped out a few weeks back, it is very important for me to enjoy food on a tight budget. This is generally a serious concern for not only me, but many people, because going out to eat can be quite expensive. If I am dining out with your mother I typically… Read more →
As you all know, Valentine’s Day is next Sunday. Many of you will wave your hands and go, “Dannis, Valentine’s Day is silly. We celebrate our love every day. Valentine’s Day is a horseshit made-up holiday.” Then you will plan a cool Valentine’s Day date, either at a restaurant, or with a fancy meal at home for you and your… Read more →
When you live in Chicago, you are automatically required, by law, to talk about hot dogs every day. We talk about hot dogs all the time because we have our own style of hot dog, called “The Chicago-Style Hot Dog.” Because the word “Chicago” is in the hot dog’s name, you are also required to get angry at other people for liking different… Read more →
Last October, I began my first step on a great journey. You see, October 31st, 2014, was the day I started The Pizzle. And guess what? It’s been a whole year since I started this stupid website! So happy birthday to me and you. I started this site because I was very tired of serious food blogs, which are essentially a giant circle… Read more →
A few weeks ago, I ate dinner with my friend Joyce from Chicago Agashi, at a great Chicago restaurant called Izakaya Mita. A while back, Joyce interviewed me about losing a hot dog cookoff (which you can read about here). Losing a hot dog cookoff is pretty cool. It feels good to lose every competition you’re in, because I lose at… Read more →
Last Saturday, I was invited to the Gapers Block 3rd Annual Charity Hot Dog Cookoff to compete as a chef. They called me a “chef.” That’s the first time anyone has called me that. Most of the time, people call me “assbag.” I have never competed for anything food related in my life, so naturally, I shit my pants a few… Read more →
Kenfucky, or uh, Kentucky Fried Chicken (KFC), came out with a new fast food creation called The Chizza. That dumb name is already a bad sign. Can you guess what that made-up name means? That’s right, good for you, you good guesser, you. It’s a chicken pizza. Well, a chicken-crust pizza. It’s basically a fried chicken breast with pizza toppings on it,… Read more →
Chicago has lots of cool food festivals every year. There’s the Food Film Festival, where you get to watch short films about food and eat what’s on screen, Chicago Gourmet, which is strictly for rich people, and then there’s Baconfest. I can already hear some of you complaining like little clowns, saying, “Dannis, people put bacon on everything. When is… Read more →
I like to watch television shows about food. In fact, many of you might be surprised — I originally got a lot of my real culinary knowledge from watching television. Now that food television has turned into dumb cooking competitions where people cook three-course meals while running around backwards and naked through a grocery store while blindfolded and maimed, I’ve… Read more →
First of all, Happy Valentine’s Day! And to me, and all y’all single people — I wish you a wonderful self-loving day of loneliness. So Fappy Valentine’s Day to you, good single people of planet Earth. Know you’re not alone. Here’s a video I made one year ago to celebrate my loneliness on Valentine’s Day. I swear, I’m working on… Read more →
I saw Mike Ditka in person once. Years ago, my mom and I were in the car together, running errands. On our way back home, we were sitting behind a bunch of people at a stop sign, stuck for no apparent reason. The guy way ahead of us was trying to turn left at a no-left-turn intersection, and he was blocking traffic.… Read more →
Medieval Times Dinner and Tournament is basically the greatest place on earth. It’s dinner theater (how much of this luxury even exists anymore?), with medieval-style games, including jousts, swordfights, horse dancing, and more. I’d been shouting at the castle every time I’d driven by it on the highway. It was finally time to visit as an adult. I’d been when I… Read more →
I have a really sad confession to make. I…haven’t been to New York City. I’m 33. I know, I need to go. A bunch of my friends live there and I miss every one of them. I’m a total penis. I’m still making up for time and (lots of) money since I was out of a job for about a… Read more →
Growing up in a Korean-American household, pie wasn’t something I really ate. The pies I did eat were those little hand-pies from Hostess, which were always good — but I knew deep inside, in my secret place, that those Hostess pies weren’t actual pies. I mean, they were a strange approximation of pie, I could just tell, even when I… Read more →
Umami Burger, a burger chain from sunny Los Angeles, landed in Chicago in September. It’s just north of my neighborhood. I’ve been putting off going, since chain restaurants don’t usually give me a food boner. But I like the idea — their burgers (and the rest of their food) are loaded with umami flavor, which many people consider the fifth… Read more →